Finding Grace When You Want to Scream

Children are miraculous in thought; they are creative, pure and beyond loving, when given the chance to be. This is one of the top reasons they tend to procrastinate when you prepare them for bedtime...they are not done loving you for the day (I like to look at this frustrating time of the evening in this light). It is daunting as a child- the prospect of having to be seperated from your parent during the loneliest and darkest part of the evening, It turns your independent pumpkin into a needy and whiny wonder (in that you wonder what happened between the time you tucked your child in for the night, to the second your hiney hit the couch cushion).

Every parent has been there...the tiny shuffle of feet creeping through the hallway, with the words "good night kiss?" (while smooching their lips at you from afar) "I need some water, please" (as they tip their cup from side to side, displaying its emptiness) "I forgot to pick up my ____ (fill in any toy you have asked them to pick up 20 times earlier in the day to no avail)" while whisking away the item away in a blur, just to creep back in with one of the other two statements a few moments later.

...and this is when you find yourself losing what little bit of patience you have left in your posession, and your responses to your child(ren) become shorter, and snippier. Your little procrastinator(s) then turn wearily to leave for bed with a saddened face in response, which breaks your heart, and makes you feel like dirt. You then cave, and start the whole night time routine over, once again...praying it sticks this time.

There are however, a few things which can be done to save your sanity, earlier on in the evening. These tips can even save your child undue nightmares, bed wetting and the less critical - -procrastination period prior to bed. The first of these tips is to determine a set bedtime, and routine, and stick to it. There are always going to be times when you have to break routine (ie. traveling, company visiting, etc...) however, you should try your best to ensure stability in their night time routine. The routine I personally use is to bathe the kiddos, let them brush their teeth, go potty, fill their sippy cups with water, then tuck them in with goodnight kisses and maybe a story, if all has gone well.

The second tip is to reaffirm their needs and their desire to get back up, which can be done by extinguishing their anxiety before it ever comes to fruition- a good time is just after the good night kiss. I use the phrase: "All night night kisses have been given, you have your water for the night, your toys are all taken care of, and you are nice, safe and comfy in your little bed." This statement says a lot. It has become my night time mantra, because it works. It has taken away their main reasons for journeying back up to the front of the house, and it reassures them that they are safe and sound.

The reasoning behind sticking to the schedule is in order to train your childs internal clock to become ready for bed. Children thrive on the security of schedules; schedules allow them to know exactly when to expect something, and they conform to it. Another prime reason for scheduling is to ensure that your child is not napping too clos to their bed time, which leads me to tip number three- adjust nap times or do away with them when your child is old enough. My (nearly) five year old twins have an 8:00 PM bedtime, and due to recent events, we realized that their nap time was creating a large part of the problem with their internal clock. I used to have them come home from pre-school and take a nap after having a quick snack, but the procrastination, and obnoxious behavior of disregarding our directions (blatantly, I might add) became too much for me. I had to determine what the problem was, so we made a couple of schedule changes.

Initially, I took out their after school nap, which helped to ensure that they were tired by the time their bed time rolled around. However, we had to deal with cranky children for the rest of the evening prior to their bed time. Then I realized that it was not so important that they got a nap, as it was that they just had some down time- to allow their bodies and mind to rest. We then rebegan allowing the kids to chose a movie for their afternoon "down-time," which has worked out beautifully. They are now ready with heavy eyes by the time their bed time rolls around (which we were able to then bump up to 7:30 PM, allowing their dad and I another half hour of "me" time), but it staves off the crankiness of exhaustion.

The key is for your, as the parent, to be the boss of the schedule. If your child runs your night time routine (or lack there of), you are opening yourself up to a continuous headache. Yes, they are adorable when they come up wanting something, however as parents, we do not do them any favors by enabling a bad habit (which despite our own use of it, procrastination is). These techniques take so much of the headache out of putting your children to bed. The key is to stick with it for a couple of weeks to establish a pattern.

Many child development books you come accross emphasize the utilization of a good schedule, as it establishes a sense of security. My personal theory is that a child who knows what to expect within their controlled environments in life, are better equipped to handle the curve balls life throws, as they know there is still a level of stability in their lives, to which they can turn. I believe this point goes both for the parent and the child, as our homes should always provide a point of refuge from the outside world. Here is my hope that these suggestions will help you get there.

May peace invade your chaos.